Are You Afraid Of The Dark?

I have to admit I really struggled with it when I was a child. I grew up in East Germany and was hospitalized when I was four years old for a stomach issue. My parents were not allowed to stay with me and could only visit over the weekend. Until then, I had never been away from my family. I was pretty little but I do remember all of the lights were turned off at night and the nurses instructed us to not make a sound. The room was very dark. That pitch black where you can’t see your own hand in front of your eyes. There was a little boy in my room who cried a lot. I remember trying to get him to stop and the nurses just being irritated with him instead of comforting him. I don’t think the nurses were cruel, just strict. My mom always came when I cried at night. There were no moms allowed at the hospital though. The little boy and I both had to learn to face our fears alone... in the dark. 

I haven’t really thought about the dark and my fears in years... until I decided to try a saltwater float. Have you experienced one before? Of course, I read all about it online. I learned about the sensory deprivation tank and how it allows you to reach "a state of total bliss and relaxation". Sign me up! 

I had to fill out some forms online and then showed up to my scheduled appointment. The entire experience was supposed to take 60 minutes. A beautiful young woman greeted me at the counter. She walked me to a room with a shower and the tank next to it. There was a chair with ear plugs, Q tips and a few other essentials. She explained how the tank worked, handed me a bottle of water and then she was gone. I took a shower… like she instructed me to do, put my ear plugs in and then went into the tank. The water was only about knee deep or so. It was the perfect temperature. Soft music was playing and little lights were twinkling on the ceiling. I could still smell the expensive shampoo and shower gel from my shower. The salt water made my skin feel very soft and smooth and I was floating in it.

It was glorious... until I remembered to turn off the lights and the music. I was in the dark. Yes, the same pitch black where you can’t see your own hand in front of your eyes. I started to panic when I couldn’t find the light switch on the wall. With all of the fuss I was making I got water in my eyes (do not recommend) and my ear plugs popped out. Luckily the door opens pretty easily and triggers a light to come on outside the tank. I must have sat there for a few minutes getting my heart beat back under control and then decided that I will no longer hide from this fear. I turned the lights and music back on, closed the door and started floating again. I closed my eyes and started to breathe deeply. Once I was calm, I turned the lights and music off and continued to breathe. It was magical. I allowed myself to just enjoy the moment. Without any stimulation from the outside I was able to just... be. The rest of the hour flew by. I emerged from that tank a new woman. I could barely get out of the water. My body was so relaxed. 

I would love to say that the magical tank “cured” my fear of the dark but I would be lying. I forgot about my experience until I recently got an offer to enjoy a complimentary float for my Birthday. I accepted the offer and found myself in that magical tank again. The music was playing. The lights were twinkling. I could smell the expensive shampoo and bodywash in the air and my body was floating. I turned off the music and lights and the pitch black hit me... and I panicked... again! I got water in my eyes, my ear plugs popped out and I had to do some deep breathing with the tank door wide open… a few times. Once I was calm, I was back in the tank floating in the dark… and it was glorious!

If you read my story, you know that I suffered from a severe case of burnout a few years ago. What I have learned from my recovery journey so far is that healing is not linear. There are so many detours, some off-roading that lead nowhere and back roads that take you to amazing new experiences and most often straight into the next challenge or fear. The only difference is that now I know what to do. Recovery is an everyday commitment to put my self care first. It is the understanding that I will have good days and bad days and that both are important to recognize and celebrate. How can we truly appreciate the light without experiencing the dark? 

So, whatever you are afraid of, know that you are not alone. Feel the fear and then… do it anyway! Every Day. Over and over again. 

Thank you for coming along on this precious journey. Wishing you health, wealth & most of all... happiness!

Love,

P.S. If you live in the Chicagoland area, I would highly recommend Flotstone in Lake Bluff, IL. 

P.P.S. Have you tried our 10-Day TimeOut Dare yet? A saltwater float would be an excellent experience to enjoy on Day 10. Find out more here.