The Story Behind Lady Abigail

Welcome to the Lady Abigail Blog! I am so glad you stopped by. My name is Lena and I am the founder and owner of Lady Abigail. The idea for the store was born after I suffered from severe burnout. It took me almost two years to process what happened to me. I am still recovering from it and most likely will for the rest of my life. This experience changed me in a profound way. I am not the person I was before and never will be her again. It’s ok. I like the stronger more callused version of me. I have even more bumps, bruises and scars now. . . and they are beautiful.

Today I want to share my story with you in the hopes that I can help you avoid some of the detours I made along the way. I am not a doctor or therapist so please seek professional advice if you feel you need it. All I can share are my experiences and how I got here in the first place.

Before we start, I do need to mention that my journey through burnout was a very lonely one. Obviously, the timing was terrible with the entire world going through so much at the same time. I wish that I could have been more honest with my family and friends and tell them how truly broken I was. I didn’t want to worry anyone, so I kept smiling and told everyone I was ok. So many of my friends were going through their own set of hell so I decided not to burden them. I isolated myself, removed myself from social media and suffered in silence. My sincere wish is to educate as many people as possible on how to spot the signs of burnout in the people we love. Pay attention. Usually, the people that keep telling us that they are ok, are hurting the most. We really do NOT need to do this thing called life alone.

So, what are some of the main symptoms?

• Exhaustion
• Isolation
• Escape fantasies
• Irritability
• Frequent Illnesses 

Let’s see if you can spot any of these in my story: I worked for a family-owned business that grew very quickly. I was lucky enough to be promoted a few times while I was working there. I didn’t love my job, but I was good at it, and it paid the bills. I had wanted to leave many times, but it was more convenient to stay. In the end I got promoted into a job that I didn’t think I was ready for. My former boss had two hours to train me and then she was off to her next adventure. I learned everything I could as quickly as I could. . .  but in the meantime, I made mistakes. So many mistakes.

Suddenly, I had a big team of people that I was responsible for. The workload kept increasing. Business was booming and I just couldn’t keep up. More people needed to be hired and trained. People left and new people needed to be hired and trained. Work took over my life. There was so much to do and never enough hours in the day to get it done. My son spent more and more time with his grandparents. I would tell myself one more email and I will go home. There was always one more email. 

Days got longer and nights got shorter. If my son got sick, grandma would take care of him. When I got sick, I dragged myself to work. I got sick more often. Friends and family commented on it, but I didn’t hear them. I couldn’t hear them. I had been through so much and knew how to push through. I was always able to push through so this was no different. . . or so I thought. I told myself I would rest after this project. After the new employee was trained. There was always a new project and a new employee. 

I got sick even more and had to take some time off. I would feel better and work even longer to get caught up. Weekends became my time to recover. I needed the entire weekend to feel alive again by Monday. My social life was basically non-existent. It mainly consisted of binge-watching TV in my PJ’s. If I did go out, it was to visit a friend that worked just as hard as I did. If we felt extra energized, we would cook together but mostly we ordered in and watched TV. I would fall asleep on her couch and then dragged myself back home. Food, wine and Netflix became my favorite companions.

I used to be a nice and fun person to be around but living in the fast lane didn’t become me. I was frustrated, irritated and developed a very short fuse. I snapped at people for such minor things. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I was just so tired and overwhelmed. 

It’s not all bad though. There is light at the end of the tunnel. So how did the light find me? It was during a trip to Australia to visit my sister. My first 3-week vacation in over 10 years. The time difference was perfect. I was sleeping while work was happening back home. By the time I was able to check my email it was usually too late to be of any assistance. It was glorious. Life in that little town in Western Australia was moving at a much slower pace. It took me some time to get used to it but once I did, I wanted more. So much more. I fantasized about selling tacos at the beach or getting a job at the local library. Anything to escape the loud and frantic rat race back home.

As in every good story, it has to get worse, before it gets better. We arrived back home from Australia on a cold winter day in January 2020. A week later one of my co-workers died in his sleep. In March the world shut down and nothing was ever the same again. Work didn’t slow down. My team worked even harder. There was a hiring freeze, more projects started and doing basic business functions became very difficult. I felt like we were all barely keeping our heads above the water. My days were spent trying to keep the team afloat. In my rush to save everyone else I didn’t even notice that I was drowning myself. I got sick again and again and again. Sundays were the worst. I dreaded Mondays. My stomach was in so many knots. I couldn’t sleep. If I did sleep, I would wake up with a painful jaw from grinding my teeth all night and sore wrists from clenching my fists. I couldn’t relax. I didn’t allow myself to relax. I was afraid, if I did, all the plates I was balancing in the air would come crashing down. And then they did crash down. All of them. . . at the same time. 

It was December 2020 and I had saved up vacation time so I could take time off over the holidays. The closer the holidays came it became obvious that taking time off was not going to be an option. The entire team had worked through most of the year hoping things would slow down enough at some point to take a vacation. . . but it never happened. I was the mother hen of the team so of course I decided to work. Something inside of me broke. It felt like I hit an invisible wall and I couldn’t push through anymore. There was nothing left of me to give, so in February 2021, I quit my job. According to the Harvard Business Review, 47 million people voluntarily quit their jobs in 2021. The buzzword of 2021 was “burnout”. 

What I learned the hard way is that our life energy source is like a gas tank. You can’t drive on fumes. Every so often, you have to stop, and refill your tank. Another big lesson I learned is that the airlines are right. You really do need to put your own mask on first before you can help anybody else. A third lesson I learned is that you can’t recover from years of driving on fumes in a few months. It takes years. That was probably the hardest lesson to learn.

Let’s get to the good part. After leaving my job I made more mistakes. I had no map to guide me on how to navigate what I was going through. Therapists were booked out for months in advance during the pandemic so everything I learned was from books, online courses and self-proclaimed gurus. Some were amazing and taught me so much. . . some taught me to spend my money more wisely. I took many detours and back roads. Every two steps forward seemed to cost me three steps back. Looking back now I would not change a thing. Everything in life is a lesson. What we do with those lessons is truly up to us. 

Quitting my job was such a surreal experience. I went from a fully booked schedule to blank spots in my calendar. I filled those spots pretty quickly with classes and chores around the house. I re-organized my house from top to bottom. Something I had dreamed of doing for years but never got around to. I was wound up so tightly that I was afraid I would spin out of control if I just let everything go. Eventually I did come to a complete stop. It felt like being stranded on the side of a highway while everyone else was driving way over the speed limit honking their horns and yelling for me to get out of their way. There was a lot of shame and embarrassment on my part. I felt lazy, unworthy and broken. Why couldn’t I keep going? I finally took the time to look around and really observe myself and the people around me. What I found were more people like me. Beautiful people with so many aches and pains stuffed haphazardly into their backseat hoping to address them eventually. . . when there is more time.

The truth is, we are all gifted 24 delightful hours every day. It may not seem like it, but we are the only ones in charge of how we spend every precious second. It does take slowing down and observing your own life to figure out how you would like to live it. It is so easy to blame work and family obligations for our lack of time. Every time I stayed late or answered emails over the weekend I chose work over my health, wellbeing and family. I worked so hard to prove to everyone, including myself, that I was worthy of the promotion. My company never asked me to do that. It was my choice. Our society glamorizes being busy and provides us with a false sense of self importance when we give so much of our time and energy. Was my company sad to see me go? Yes. Did it cause a disruption when I left? Absolutely. The truth of the matter is that I was replaced fairly quickly. The company is still moving full speed ahead. . . even without me. We are all replaceable at our jobs. Our health and wellbeing is not. 

My recovery process started when I finally allowed myself to take a TimeOut. The dictionary defines "time-outs" as "a brief suspension of activity". Everything works better when it gets unplugged for a little while. . . including us. I am not here to tell you to quit your job. If you really paid attention to my story, you noticed that I stayed at a job that was not right for me. . . much longer than I should have. . . because. . .  it was convenient. I didn't take regular TimeOuts to stay healthy and give myself the space to figure out what I want out of life. Change is hard and very inconvenient. The only constant we have in life though is change, so we might as well take an active part in it. . . one TimeOut at a time. 

So where did the name "Lady Abigail" come from? I am so glad you asked! During my burnout recovery, my sweet dog passed away. Abby was my soul animal perfectly packaged in the most adorable dachshund body. She was my companion through so many ups and downs in my life. If you have been blessed with a soul animal in your life, you know how precious this connection is. If you do not know what I am talking about, I hope your soul animal will find you very soon. Abby's full name was Abigail and I am pretty sure she thought of herself as more human than canine. I always imagined her speaking in a proper British accent (imagine Julie Andrews as the voice of Lady Whistledown) and so Lady Abigail was born. My little homage to one of the biggest loves of my life.

If you recognized some of the burnout symptoms I mentioned in yourself or a loved, please join our Facebook Group "Lady Abigail's Sanctuary". The purpose of the group is to provide a safe space for anyone who wants to live a more intentional life. Here you will find the support you need to make daily TimeOuts part of your self care routine.

I also invite you to shop our TimeOut Hug Collection. Think of a TimeOut as a daily reboot, a mini vacation from the ever-increasing demands on us. Adding a daily TimeOut to your self-care routine provides you the space to process your day. It allows you to stop doing and just be. Our mission at Lady Abigail is to normalize TimeOuts and become part of everyone's self-care routine.

If you would like to find out what the Six Things are that You Can Do Now To Avoid Burnout, click here. 

Thank you for coming along on this precious journey. Wishing you health, wealth & most of all. . .  happiness!

Love,

P.S. I studied fashion when I was in college and during my TimeOut I fell back in love with it, especially vintage fashion. Right now I am obsessed with the Regency era (think Bridgerton). The intricate needlework on the dresses, cloaks, pillows etc. is so exquisite. You may spot some of these unique details on the products we offer at our store.  

P.P.S. When was the last time you took a TimeOut? If you can't remember, why not try our "10-Day TimeOut Dare". It is currently free with the purchase of one of our Deluxe Hooded Blankets.